the words are clogging up my mind. i am rifling through a mound of questions and my nails are packed with dirt, my fingers black with dirt and sweat. i will seek forever and i still wouldn't be able to find the right words to tell my story. i will have short, unfinished anecdotes. i will have smart one liners. i will never have my story. people will never hear me. this is my folly. my choice. my doing. nothing that happens to me is ever the fault of others.
dear dear saviour... i don't know how you can ever save me if you never know that you have just been made responsible for my life. i won't tie the rope around your neck and drag you down with me though. i promise. i won't let you watch me fade and shrivel up because i know how much you dislike twisted scenes like that. i promise. but please. save me. i think i love you. maybe i don't. i really don't know. i might hate you too that's why i picked you to save me. ... i don't know.
oasis' new album releases today. how much do you want to bet that it's going to be a disappointment because i have been expecting too much?
20050524
spaghetti cat's cradle
no strings attached, jasmin. is that really a bad thing? stop being so paranoid. the stars in your eyes are fading. you can feel it too. that's why you're afraid.
the weekend, by the way, was rather... enlightening. confusing somewhat, but altogether enlightening. it's when you said, under your breath - "what's happening?" that i realised we were walking down the same road. i chose not to answer you because we would then realise that we're both lost. what could be more frightening than that? and i think our giggles were merely there to hide any sort of fear that we had.
i sort of half wish i have lyrics to copy and paste that would describe what's really going on right now. unfortunately i am naturally lazy and even running a search on the Net seems like an awfully big task that i don't have to take up right now.
it's the sort of morning where you sit on the couch with a bowlful of cornflakes [yes someone grocery shopped] with music from your past playing fullblast by the albums. kittie would go first. then maybe a dose of kula shaker. there's got to be oasis. then maybe some manic street preachers. the good old queen of the damned soundtrack. santana and the doors. the morning should last forever, but you're probably going to zonk out halfway through the third song.
life is just a bunch of fancy metaphorical lyrics put together to sound deep and profound. it doesn't really mean anything.
the weekend, by the way, was rather... enlightening. confusing somewhat, but altogether enlightening. it's when you said, under your breath - "what's happening?" that i realised we were walking down the same road. i chose not to answer you because we would then realise that we're both lost. what could be more frightening than that? and i think our giggles were merely there to hide any sort of fear that we had.
i sort of half wish i have lyrics to copy and paste that would describe what's really going on right now. unfortunately i am naturally lazy and even running a search on the Net seems like an awfully big task that i don't have to take up right now.
it's the sort of morning where you sit on the couch with a bowlful of cornflakes [yes someone grocery shopped] with music from your past playing fullblast by the albums. kittie would go first. then maybe a dose of kula shaker. there's got to be oasis. then maybe some manic street preachers. the good old queen of the damned soundtrack. santana and the doors. the morning should last forever, but you're probably going to zonk out halfway through the third song.
life is just a bunch of fancy metaphorical lyrics put together to sound deep and profound. it doesn't really mean anything.
20050520
pardon me while i evaporate
i feel a sudden need to have a large bowl of Honey Stars cereal in cold milk. i miss having that sort of breakfast at any given time of the day. even wheatbix with fresh banana slices.
today someone told me that we are soulmates. strangely, i didn't know how to react to that statement, having it being said so nonchalantly it almost sounded as if he was just saying "hey, it's raining". is it safe then to conclude that the constant need to flail for air while simultaneously feeling an unexplainable peace and comfort when around him confirms his deduction? five minutes pass. an hour. a day. i am strangely calm and apathetic about it. not enough to brush it off as coffee table chatter or not write about it, but just enough to acknowledge it without any dramatic emotional turmoil. i am flattered too that he sees my existence in his twenty years from now. i, frankly have not ventured that far into the future land of what if's. i have not even begun to wonder what the weekend would be like.
today someone told me that we are soulmates. strangely, i didn't know how to react to that statement, having it being said so nonchalantly it almost sounded as if he was just saying "hey, it's raining". is it safe then to conclude that the constant need to flail for air while simultaneously feeling an unexplainable peace and comfort when around him confirms his deduction? five minutes pass. an hour. a day. i am strangely calm and apathetic about it. not enough to brush it off as coffee table chatter or not write about it, but just enough to acknowledge it without any dramatic emotional turmoil. i am flattered too that he sees my existence in his twenty years from now. i, frankly have not ventured that far into the future land of what if's. i have not even begun to wonder what the weekend would be like.
20050514
tobacco pixie stix electrical tape
the last time i had pixie stix, i was a six-year-old scientist with einstein's hairdo. i ended up with glasses of colored sugared water sitting before me on the table while i munched slowly on my Wonka Mudsludge and orange chocolate. and i would be up for more than 2 days, watching the blinds of my bedroom window turn a billion shades of blue as day became night became day became night... and i would crash for the whole day only to wake up in time for roast chicken dinner and repeat the whole process again. ... just reminiscing the times spent studying abroad.
was out for the night with a bunch of colleagues. most amusing experience. firstly, the place we went to wasn't the sort of place that we'd have normally gone to. heck, we [well, at least i didn't] didn't even know it existed despite having been around that area so many times. waited out the live music [which was pretty good] and the girls were dancing their hearts out when the dj started playing and i got to sit around and be quizzed about the most random things around. e.g. what's the address of the white house? what does PVC stand for? what are the five prehistoric humans? how did hitler lose the war? what does BMW stand for? why did taiwan separate from china? who baptised jesus? lmao word of advice, if anyone ever asks where sadism came from, do not give the right answer. look where it got me. hours of quizzing and poking at my flaws [i have boring hairdo hahah] and complexes. still, it was pretty amusing. and add like 8 glasses [oh, it's not just glasses... it's highball glasses] of alcohol to all that and it feels pretty much like a back to school nightmare. lol the guy said that he was pretty impressed that i could answer most of his questions, wondered aloud if i really am a psycho because of the books i read and the movies i watch, told me i'm shallow despite my intelligence because i have a socialising problem, told me it's getting irritating that i can answer his questions and said that i'm an oddity. gee. like. thanks a lot. not.
was out for the night with a bunch of colleagues. most amusing experience. firstly, the place we went to wasn't the sort of place that we'd have normally gone to. heck, we [well, at least i didn't] didn't even know it existed despite having been around that area so many times. waited out the live music [which was pretty good] and the girls were dancing their hearts out when the dj started playing and i got to sit around and be quizzed about the most random things around. e.g. what's the address of the white house? what does PVC stand for? what are the five prehistoric humans? how did hitler lose the war? what does BMW stand for? why did taiwan separate from china? who baptised jesus? lmao word of advice, if anyone ever asks where sadism came from, do not give the right answer. look where it got me. hours of quizzing and poking at my flaws [i have boring hairdo hahah] and complexes. still, it was pretty amusing. and add like 8 glasses [oh, it's not just glasses... it's highball glasses] of alcohol to all that and it feels pretty much like a back to school nightmare. lol the guy said that he was pretty impressed that i could answer most of his questions, wondered aloud if i really am a psycho because of the books i read and the movies i watch, told me i'm shallow despite my intelligence because i have a socialising problem, told me it's getting irritating that i can answer his questions and said that i'm an oddity. gee. like. thanks a lot. not.
20050510
the way stories go, everybody cries a little...
... loves a little. live a little. and then die. and then you die all over again.
letting muses free is one of the most painful things to do.
hi. have you rotted much, lately?
this is cheesy, i know. but they're your favourite songs. slightly suicidal i noticed, but yeah.... YOUR favourite songs... not mine. yet they seem to mean something right now:
letting muses free is one of the most painful things to do.
hi. have you rotted much, lately?
this is cheesy, i know. but they're your favourite songs. slightly suicidal i noticed, but yeah.... YOUR favourite songs... not mine. yet they seem to mean something right now:
The Drug Don't Work
All this talk of getting old, it's getting me down my love. Like a cat in a bag, waiting to
drown, this time I'm comin' down. And I hope you're thinking of me as you lay down on your side. Now the drugs don't work they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again. Now the drugs don't work. They just make you worse, but I know I'll see your face again. But I know I'm on a losing streak 'cause I passed down my old street. And if you wanna show, then just let me know and I'll sing in your ear again. Cause if heaven calls, I'm coming, too. Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead.
Bittersweet Symphony
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life. Try to make ends meet. You're a slave to money then you die. I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down. You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins [things??] meet. No change, I can change But I'm here in my mold, but I'm a million different people from one day to the next . Well I never pray But tonight I'm on my knees I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me. I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now. But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now.
Starcrossed
Behold this night, still and clear. You look here just like an angel sleeping. I wish I could ease your fears. I would catch the diamond tears you're weeping. In your eyes I would hide. By your side I could defy the forces tearing us apart. But reality, as it seems, looking back, is that our dream was fated from the start . We're star-crossed and can't escape. We're condemned and can only wait. At this time now it's far too late to save us from our fate.
wires
You got wires, goin in. You got wires, comin out of your skin. You got tears making tracks. I got tears that are scared of the facts. Running down corridors through automatic doors. Got to get to you. Got to see this through. I see hope is here in a plastic box. I've seen christmas lights reflect in your eyes. You got wires, goin in. You got wires, comin out of your skin. There's dry blood on your wrist. Your dry blood on my fingertip. Running down corridors through automatic doors. Got to get to you. Got to see this through. First night of your life, curled up on your own looking at you now you would never know. I see it in your eyes I see it in your eyes. You'll be alright.
20050503
deconstructing you - if you stopped to think...
do not deconstruct. it leaves you feeling scattered... kinda like how your Lego would look if you took it all apart and left them all on the floor. it leaves you feeling somewhat hollow... kinda like oh, you know... the empty Lego box, since all the Lego pieces are on the floor.
boys are drama queens. have you noticed that? or have i just been so blessed as to have witnessed two living breathing anomalies?
would you share your chocolate sundae? stand in the rain to make sure i'm alive? buy me ice-cream when i least expect it? tell me, with a worried look, that i'm suicidal if i really looked it? and still stick by me despite me being a weirdo and a possible psychopath? read to me from the history textbook at 1 a.m.? not laugh at my face during and after my embarrassing moments? keep my secrets safe and sound until the day you die? well, he did. well, you did a couple of the above too. but i stopped taking people apart after i left you scattered everywhere. i don't remember cleaning up but someone must have swept you under a rug. or did you do that all by yourself?
boys are drama queens. have you noticed that? or have i just been so blessed as to have witnessed two living breathing anomalies?
would you share your chocolate sundae? stand in the rain to make sure i'm alive? buy me ice-cream when i least expect it? tell me, with a worried look, that i'm suicidal if i really looked it? and still stick by me despite me being a weirdo and a possible psychopath? read to me from the history textbook at 1 a.m.? not laugh at my face during and after my embarrassing moments? keep my secrets safe and sound until the day you die? well, he did. well, you did a couple of the above too. but i stopped taking people apart after i left you scattered everywhere. i don't remember cleaning up but someone must have swept you under a rug. or did you do that all by yourself?
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