the weather's been nasty. the sun seems to be at her sadomasochistic best, lashing out at us with her leather whip and chains. making us all wish we were naked. Meowr.
i am weary from staying up with you after work, lying around aimlessly smoking ourselves stupid over funny movies marathon. and while you indulged yourself in hours of artificial team sports, i lay by your side taking pictures of you and making everything in your house look sad and lonely in sepia photographs.
the thing i love about you is that you waste your life away in the worst possible ways and come up with the most sensible, downtoearth, logical things to say in the most serious tone at the same time. and while i don't lap up every single word you hand me, i can't help but feel that you are somewhere that i have always wanted to be at. and sometimes, when i'm not awake, you speak to me like an older brother does his little sister - the mixture of condescendence and love enough to drive me to annoyance and yet leave me grounded and settled. i cannot place a finger on the absolute-ness of what we are. my life revolves faintly around the mystery of us. the nonexistence. the suspicion. so deliciously fascinating. i tell people that you are everything i am not. i tell them that we are so different in the exact same way that we are so much alike. i get blank stares in return. nervous laughs. that sarcastic roll of the eyes. i don't expect them to understand my blabbering. i don't suppose you would? i miss those ungodly hours in the morning where we would sit around dazedly and yammer on about things we normally wouldn't talk about when we're sober and normal.
anyway.
i've been listening to this song a lot. no particular reason except that it's got a cute tune going.
kukatakan dengan indah - peterpan
kukatakan dengan indah
dengan terbuka
hatiku hampa
sepertinya luka menghampirinya
kau beri rasa yang berbeda
mungkin kusalah mengartikannya
yang kurasa cinta
tetapi hatiku selalu meninggikanmu
terlalu meninggikanmu selalu meninggikanmu
kau hancurkan hatiku hancurkan lagi
kau hancurkan hatikutuk melihatmu
kau terangi jiwaku kau redupkan lagih
kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu
membuatku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi
membuatku merasakan yang telah terjadi
semua yang terbaikdan terlewati
semua yang terhenti tanpa kuakhiri
i miss this one. the good old late 90's music and shirley manson... slightly obsessive, but then again, who isn't?
#1 crush - garbage
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine
I will cry for you
I will cry for you I
will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear
I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me
Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you
To be close to you
To be part of you
Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you
fix me now - garbage
Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day
Bury me above the clouds
All the way from here
Take away the things I need
Take away my fear
Hide me in a hollow sound
Happy ever more
Everything I had to give
Gave out long before
Fix me now, I wish you would
Bring me back to life
Kiss me blind, somebody should
From hollow into light
Crashing silent, broken down
Falling in to night
Who gave up and who gave in
I'll go without a fight
You cut me down or cut me dead
Cut me in or out
Kiss me blind time after time
Take away my doubt
Fix me now, I wish you would
Bring me back to life
Kiss me blind, somebody should
From hollow into light
Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day
Nowhere, only down from here
Pick me off the floor
Take away the things I dream
One time One place One more
Fix me now, I wish you would
Bring me back to life
Kiss me blind, somebody should
From hollow into light
Fix me now, I wish you would
Bring me back to life
Kiss me blind, somebody should
From hollow into light
Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day...
20050616
boop boop bee doo
i can't get through the book a friend lent me. it's incredibly light reading but i just feel like i'm robbed of time. :P don't tell her i said that though. it's just not my kind of lifestyle, whatever this book is written about.
i need to cry but i can't. i so totally need that bottle of absolut vanilla james bought the other day. drink it all down and perhaps i'll finish crying where i left off last year.
on a lighter note, i get tomorrow, saturday and sunday off. on a not so light note, i'm sort of broke and not entirely in the mood to enjoy the weekend.
when someone has a tendency to forget what they say, you have a tendency to not believe a word they say after a while. yeah sure... i forget things too, but if it's things that really matters to you, you'd at least have an inkling that you professed all those sentiments and ideas in the first place. but then again, things have always been slightly weird where we're concerned. it's like an unexplainable painting that you'd have to see and experience and no definitions, descriptions and hoity toity criticism can do it justice. and i mean that in a good way and a bad way. how good and how bad? think extreme ends of the spectrum. i think i just care too much. emo dumbass.
language barriers fucking sucks. i've been feeling like a monkey being thrown into a pig pen for the longest time. adaptation is inevitable. i'll be a pink monkey with a snout soon enough. i hope.
they've found jube. she's safe but unfortunately, she's a little ... distracted. i just hope all goes well. i'm just extremely relieved that she's alive and well and not floating face down in some duckpond. no seriously. she's been talking so much about the ducks in the park before she disappeared that i kinda got worried that she might just i dunno... do something that she shouldn't do. :(
ah i'm going to hail sleep like i'd hail a cab. it'd be the only way i'll get any sleep right now. perhaps if i read a few more pages of that book... :P
i need to cry but i can't. i so totally need that bottle of absolut vanilla james bought the other day. drink it all down and perhaps i'll finish crying where i left off last year.
on a lighter note, i get tomorrow, saturday and sunday off. on a not so light note, i'm sort of broke and not entirely in the mood to enjoy the weekend.
when someone has a tendency to forget what they say, you have a tendency to not believe a word they say after a while. yeah sure... i forget things too, but if it's things that really matters to you, you'd at least have an inkling that you professed all those sentiments and ideas in the first place. but then again, things have always been slightly weird where we're concerned. it's like an unexplainable painting that you'd have to see and experience and no definitions, descriptions and hoity toity criticism can do it justice. and i mean that in a good way and a bad way. how good and how bad? think extreme ends of the spectrum. i think i just care too much. emo dumbass.
language barriers fucking sucks. i've been feeling like a monkey being thrown into a pig pen for the longest time. adaptation is inevitable. i'll be a pink monkey with a snout soon enough. i hope.
they've found jube. she's safe but unfortunately, she's a little ... distracted. i just hope all goes well. i'm just extremely relieved that she's alive and well and not floating face down in some duckpond. no seriously. she's been talking so much about the ducks in the park before she disappeared that i kinda got worried that she might just i dunno... do something that she shouldn't do. :(
ah i'm going to hail sleep like i'd hail a cab. it'd be the only way i'll get any sleep right now. perhaps if i read a few more pages of that book... :P
20050601
steamin' sweet potatoes!
mum's cooking. that's a good thing. yesterday, she made us chilli crab. why is this a big deal? the last time she made us that was when i was three. well, at least that was the last time i remember eating her chilli crab. THREE. i remember because it was too spicy and i couldn't eat it. oh the frustration! BUT i got to suck on ice, so that was a big plus. for a three-year-old. next mission: to bug mum to make her chicken curry. ah... potatoes *drool*
i need a vacation. did i spread the good news that i'm going to bali in july? now if only i've got a valid passport and cash to spend there.
i am a compulsive fridge opener. you know the kind. we'd open the refridgerator and stand in front of it to stare at the contents even when we don't need anything from it. i guess this would be about the same as compulsive nailbiters and shoplifters.
you know when you hear things about people you don't have to hear, makes you wonder what's been spreading about yourself doesn't it?
on a lighter note, dinner's ready. yay.
i need a vacation. did i spread the good news that i'm going to bali in july? now if only i've got a valid passport and cash to spend there.
i am a compulsive fridge opener. you know the kind. we'd open the refridgerator and stand in front of it to stare at the contents even when we don't need anything from it. i guess this would be about the same as compulsive nailbiters and shoplifters.
you know when you hear things about people you don't have to hear, makes you wonder what's been spreading about yourself doesn't it?
on a lighter note, dinner's ready. yay.
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