peter pan never knew he shot the wendybird

the weather's been nasty. the sun seems to be at her sadomasochistic best, lashing out at us with her leather whip and chains. making us all wish we were naked. Meowr.

i am weary from staying up with you after work, lying around aimlessly smoking ourselves stupid over funny movies marathon. and while you indulged yourself in hours of artificial team sports, i lay by your side taking pictures of you and making everything in your house look sad and lonely in sepia photographs.
the thing i love about you is that you waste your life away in the worst possible ways and come up with the most sensible, downtoearth, logical things to say in the most serious tone at the same time. and while i don't lap up every single word you hand me, i can't help but feel that you are somewhere that i have always wanted to be at. and sometimes, when i'm not awake, you speak to me like an older brother does his little sister - the mixture of condescendence and love enough to drive me to annoyance and yet leave me grounded and settled. i cannot place a finger on the absolute-ness of what we are. my life revolves faintly around the mystery of us. the nonexistence. the suspicion. so deliciously fascinating. i tell people that you are everything i am not. i tell them that we are so different in the exact same way that we are so much alike. i get blank stares in return. nervous laughs. that sarcastic roll of the eyes. i don't expect them to understand my blabbering. i don't suppose you would? i miss those ungodly hours in the morning where we would sit around dazedly and yammer on about things we normally wouldn't talk about when we're sober and normal.

anyway.

i've been listening to this song a lot. no particular reason except that it's got a cute tune going.

kukatakan dengan indah - peterpan
kukatakan dengan indah
dengan terbuka
hatiku hampa
sepertinya luka menghampirinya
kau beri rasa yang berbeda
mungkin kusalah mengartikannya
yang kurasa cinta
tetapi hatiku selalu meninggikanmu
terlalu meninggikanmu selalu meninggikanmu
kau hancurkan hatiku hancurkan lagi
kau hancurkan hatikutuk melihatmu
kau terangi jiwaku kau redupkan lagih
kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu
membuatku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi
membuatku merasakan yang telah terjadi
semua yang terbaikdan terlewati
semua yang terhenti tanpa kuakhiri


i miss this one. the good old late 90's music and shirley manson... slightly obsessive, but then again, who isn't?

#1 crush - garbage
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine

I will cry for you
I will cry for you I
will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear

I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me

Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you
To be close to you
To be part of you
Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you


fix me now - garbage
Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day
Bury me above the clouds
All the way from here
Take away the things I need
Take away my fear
Hide me in a hollow sound
Happy ever more
Everything I had to give
Gave out long before
Fix me now, I wish you would
Bring me back to life
Kiss me blind, somebody should
From hollow into light
Crashing silent, broken down
Falling in to night
Who gave up and who gave in
I'll go without a fight
You cut me down or cut me dead
Cut me in or out
Kiss me blind time after time
Take away my doubt
Fix me now, I wish you would
Bring me back to life
Kiss me blind, somebody should
From hollow into light
Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day
Nowhere, only down from here
Pick me off the floor
Take away the things I dream
One time One place One more
Fix me now, I wish you would
Bring me back to life
Kiss me blind, somebody should
From hollow into light
Fix me now, I wish you would
Bring me back to life
Kiss me blind, somebody should
From hollow into light
Things don't have to be this way
Catch me on a better day...