find your temple

bali was lovely. there's a sense of peace on that island. and lots of hot surfer dudes whiling their hot june days away by the beach in their bead necklaces, tattoos and boardshorts. the temples were beautiful and the marble statues of ancient balinese deities frozen in what they're remembered for were breathtaking in every angle and light. the people there are content, simple and beautiful [not to sound lamely cliched, but they are]. the guides we hired were amusing. they share the same name. the one that took the other 4wd has a knack for telling us jokes in hand signals. the one that took us around has a lovely name [norman dharmayuda - amusing how the other guide was trying to explain that his name means balanced war] and a friend who died in the bali bomb blast. we stood together at the monument, reading names under our breaths as he smoked a cigarette and i asked him what his friend's name was [if you ever happen by that place, he is number 23]. he has this thing for calling me miss jasmin and keeps reminding me that i can sit down while i wait for the rest to appear from whichever corner they have gone to explore. and for five whole days, i wish i lived there for my entire life in the way i'd want to curl up in a warm bed under cotton covers in a cold room sipping italian chocolate and munching on almond biscotti. i will go back again.

i don't understand how i can hate you so much sometimes. or how you can allow me to. heartbreaker. neither do i understand how you can dish out apologies so easily. it makes me wonder if you really mean them all. i wonder what you really mean when you say that we're friends/soulmates/buddies. and perhaps i have been acting too indifferent to all your little bits of nonsense. perhaps i have put up with you a little too much. perhaps. i spoke to a girl today who is heartbroken because the boy she likes is indifferent. then i read this in someone's journal:

i'd made friends with a girl named aryiel who is heartbroken because the boy
she likes kissed her eyelids and traced her face as they lay in a hammock
together, and she says you just don't do that with someone unless you love them.
"you just don't trace someone's face unless they mean something to you, right?"
right.

right. but not everyone thinks so. that's why there are heartbroken people asking questions. i smoke a cigarette for you each time you break my heart. people ask me why i look different. i tell them it's just that through the cigarette smoke, i just look a little blurry. thanks to you.